Dilemma

[mimi]

I'm facing a huge dilemma..

My sister had been seeing a guy for 4 years whom she recently got married to. Both my sis and her bf had been working in US for a year before the wedding. My family knew about their relationship but my parents were totally against the marriage. Somehow, my parents agreed and they got married this year.

The thing is that I recently found out that my sister had been sleeping with the guy when they were in US while my mom really trusted her. My mom thought that I was the one who couldn't be trusted because I'm a quiet person, don't talk too much. But when I came to know about my sister's doings, I was totally shocked as she broke my mom's trust.

My mom still doesn't know about my sister's night-outs long before the wedding was even fixed and she still trusts my sister very much and not me. My mom talks to my sister a lot more than she does to me and keeps scolding me though I keep trying my best not to do anything to displease her, (for example , I'm 25 and I've never had a boyfriend coz my mum didn't like these things)

Now, knowing what my sister has done, I feel really angry that she still gets all the love after behaving so irresponsibly and I still get the scolding. I haven't spoken to anyone about this. The dilemma is..should I tell my mum or not?

[iluvcornflakes]

you should tell Punch Bala...he always has a solution

P.S: He IS the solution

[mimi]

Thanks cornflakes, but that doesn't help much.

No wonder you're permanently banned

[Rising Sun]

No, according to me no you should not tell.

Its her life and she has decided what to do with it. See some relations or some things are better between the sisters not with parents.

The best part is she was with a guy before the marriage and now she got married to him itself so no harm in it, let it pass.

The one who always gets the scoldings is the most loved one. They scold you because they dont want you to do any mistakes, but the same is not with your sister. She does'nt get scoldings coz she is already so aggressive and if parents force her she will break the relation with parents and move on, hence this happens.

So My advice, just let it go, you tell or not will not make any difference, only thing is you will loose your sister thats all.

[mimi]

Thanks Rising Sun, you're probably right and I probably won't tell anyone ever.

As for the question of losing a sister, I think I have lost her already because I won't be able to respect or love her the same way again. She kept criticizing her friends for doing what she ended up doing herself! I don't like people with double standards.

[Rising Sun]

what you said is correct but she is your own sister, see everybody does mistakes even at some point you might have done or do... its human tendency to do mistakes, dont take it too personal. Just be as you are, by hating her nobody is going to be benefited, just think that you dont know that she had contact before marriage just forget that 1 point for yourself and be like a sister. See you have already lost your sister so being nice may get you back her one day. She may realize her mistake and ask forgiveness one fine day. When you have lost already and there is nothing to loose more why not try to get it back ? if you get her back its a gift else anyhow you wont loose anything... right ?

Think about it.

[mimi]

Thanks Rising Sun.

I would like to add to a few points here though-
During the 1 year my sister was in US, I was going through the worst time of my life (career-wise) and I really needed my sister. All I needed was to talk to her, for mental support but she completely ignored me. We barely spoke once in 4 months! When she came here I asked her why she didn't call, and she said she didn't know what to say to me! And she said that she pulled away from me because she didn't like people who expected her to call them (she gave examples of some of her friends whom she'd stopped calling because they expected her to call). What she didn't realize was that I wasn't some friend who wanted to gossip, I was depressed and really needed her. In the time of crisis, when I needed her the most, she wasn't there for me.

Now when I know what she'd been up to in US, I feel all the more frustrated. She doesn't make a great picture of an elder sister, does she? I used to always look up to her for everything, but it seems that my idol has come down crumbling before my eyes. Makes me really angry.

My sister doesn't know that I know all about her. I came to know by total accident. And if I don't say anything, I will stay angry with her and she wouldn't even know why. Being nice with her is something that's going to take hell of an effort and something that I can't start doing right away.

So it's not all black and white here, there are some gray areas. And it is not that I haven't forgiven people's mistakes, but this is way too much to handle (at least for the time being)

PS: Really appreciate your positive attitude

[Rising Sun]

Firstly Thanks,

Some time everything happens by accident itself, why dont you have a talk with her ? She has ignored you thats really bad for being a sister, you dont do the same if you do then whats the difference between you and her ?

Now after knowing the she is the elder one you cant expect her to bend down, even if you prove that she is on the wrong side she wont feel guilty. She wont get back to you so easily, better is you let her know indirectly that you know everything about her, that will bring down her pride. Dont tell it directly or you will open a war. Let her know indirectly and see whats her reaction if she softens her behavior then its a good sign for you and you can expect something out, if she keeps the same attitude then keep it doing for some more time and see even then if she does not change then its time for war.

I am asking you to talk is because until you talk to her you will be more frustrated day by day. So just make a cool move dont get too emotional or offended too, just be normal even if you have anger hide it, the time will come for it.